I sat down with Basic Rights Oregon’s (BRO) Executive Director Jeana Frazzini and Development Coordinator Juan Martinez to discuss what their strategy was for the 2012 election in Oregon, regarding marriage equality. This interview was done just as the Prop 8 case in California was kicking off. After discussing id Magazine and what we were looking to do, we jumped into our discussion:

id Magazine: Our theme for our issue is “Gay Marriage…Where Oregon is Headed” and we thought BRO would be the best place to start. Mostly because we’d like to shed light on your strategy and answer a few questions the community at large has.

Jeana Frazzini: I think it’s really timely, especially considering that just this week the challenge to Prop 8 in California kicked off. It’ll be interesting to follow it, as that process unfolds. It’s definitely going to be a long process, as we have learned from our own marriage court case here.

I don’t know if you know that Juan and his partner Byron were the lead plaintiffs.

How was that, it must of been pretty trying.

Juan Martinez: It was…it was something that I had never done in my life. To be outspoken about my life, you know my personal situation, my relationship. To tell our stories to a wider audience. This whole thing started in 2005, which is when we agreed to sign on as plaintiffs. It made me nervous at first, but Byron and I talked and talked about it over and over again. We both agreed this was an opportunity to stand up for what was right. To take this chance to help make a difference in any way that we could.

Because he and I are committed as a couple and we want to have the rights that come along with marriage equality. We truly believe in that and we won’t settle for anything less. We love each other so much and we want to take care of each other in every way that we can. so that’s why we stuck it out for the four years the lawsuit took it’s course. It just wrapped up the beginning of last year, when we were denied appellate level.

Frazzini: It’s interesting because the fact that the Oregon Supreme Court refused to hear the case Martinez vs. Kulongoski is in part in answer to your question, how did we land at the decision to appeal the marriage amendment in 2012, the decision and the timeline is because of what’s possible here. Last year, it was incredibly exciting to see the progress that was made, just by some of the setbacks around the country. Places like Iowa where there’s marriage equality now and Connecticut, New Hampshire and so forth.

In Oregon we have our own unique path, we don’t have the opportunity to address the issue in the courts. That door closed to us with the Martinez case being refused by the Supreme Court. We don’t have a legislator that can do this for us, it’s enshrined in the constitution that marriage is between one man and one woman. So the only way to undo that is with a public vote. The voters are going to have to amend the constitution to create marriage equality. That is something that has not been attempted anywhere in the country, to bring a proactive marriage equality measure will be something new.

It’s always been on our opposition’s timeline, it’s always been in the heat of having to defend ourselves; whether it was the marriage amendment in 2004 or any of the awful anti-gay ballot measures that faced in Oregon for 20 years. This is really the first time where we get to lay the groundwork and do this on our terms. It’s clear that, for us, it is important to take the time to lay a strong foundation of support, to not rush into a political fight when we know that in order to change people’s hearts and minds, they have to have this space and the opportunity to have heartfelt conversations with the people in their lives about why marriage matters; what it means to care for someone, to love and commit to somebody for the rest of your life, and to do the tough work of changing hearts and minds so that we get to a place where we’ve got the majority of the public in Oregon behind us.

2012 is in some ways trying to strike that balance of the urgency of securing the freedom to marry for our families, and at the same time to taking the time necessary to do that in a way that we know we can succeed. There are also considerations like the fact that it’s a Presidential election year and you get a much stronger progressive turnout at the ballot during a Presidential election year. The work started in 2009, the conversations have begun, the community engagement is happening and we’re committed to growing that involvement substantially this year. Getting to the point where we can collect the signatures to put it on the ballot starting in 2011, we’ll need to start that process and see it through to 2012.

Byron Beck, right, Juan Martinez

Frazzini: Well we’re striving to, you know, we are a statewide organization, and I say that knowing what a challenge it is to fulfill. Given the economic times, we’ve been impacted like everyone else so we have left a couple of key positions open that we’re now hoping early this year to refill one of those positions is our organizer based in Eugene. We have volunteer teams in five counties; we have organizers who are assigned work that touches pretty much every region of the state. I travel the state a couple times a year; we do both community events that are kind of a garden party series. We also meet with editorial boards of newspapers; we work to get out to all of the Pride celebrations that are happening around the state. It will take engagement in every one of our 36 counties to run a proactive ballot measure campaign on marriage equality.

One of the questions I’ve had is how are we going to flip the message from a religious battle and flip it on it’s ear and approach it from being a human rights issue?

Frazzini: I think that the way that we address, first of all we have for far too long we’ve let our opposition define what the position of communities of faith are. We need to lift up the voices of fair-minded communities of faith and there are plenty that recognize the full humanity gay and transgender people.

Yes! We see them in the Pride parade: probably the largest section of the parade.

Frazzini: Yeah, waves upon waves of them, I know! It’s wonderful. The truth is that this issue is not about winning a logical argument or debate; it’s about connecting with people with the values we all share. It’s about love, it’s about commitment, it’s about that marriage says we’re family like no other word. Marriage establishes a child’s place in the world. We have not had the honest conversation about what marriage means outside of a political battle, so people have made decisions about our lives based on political rhetoric and being forced to choose on the marriage amendment in the span of three or four months. What we’re talking about is in some ways incredibly revolutionary and very challenging, which is: Folks, we’ve got three years before this question comes up as a political yes or no question.

We’ve got to take the time starting now to start the conversation and to say to the people in our lives who – we maybe don’t know where they’re at on this issue or maybe we’re afraid and we know they’re not with us and we want to change that – it is up to each one of us whether we’re gay or straight for our loved ones and our allies, our friends and family who are not LGBT identified who get that this is an issue of fundamental fairness and it’s about love. We need to have those conversations so that the people in our lives are making a thoughtful decision knowing what it means to us in advance of a political decision on a ballot campaign.

Martinez: This past summer we had the opportunity to knock on doors to have conversations, face-to-face conversations with voters here in Portland, in five counties. I was working in the Metro area here, and it was interesting to have conversations with people who come from very traditional religious background saying to me that, “Well, marriage, marriage is a religious sanctimony (this should be sacrament, but if it’s a quote and you want to leave it put (sic) after it)…” and this and that. Just taking the moment to ask them, “So it sounds like you really care about the ability to take care of your family, to love the ones that you love and to provide for your family any way, shape or form.”

We need to make that connection, to make them understand that we want the same thing that everyone else has and wholly deserves to have. So it was interesting, they weren’t saying, “Leave my doorway,” they were taking the literature and saying, “You know what, I’m going to think about this. I still hold my position, and I appreciate the conversation.” That was my experience and that is what gives me hope that this educational campaign has what it takes to really change hearts and minds.

Frazzini: Yes, and I think at the same time it’s important to emphasize that the freedom to marry does not in any way, shape or form interfere with the freedom of religion. Today if you had a Jewish couple knock on the door of the Catholic church and say, “We want to be married in your church,” it’s fully within the church’s right to say, “I’m sorry, but we will only provide a marriage ceremony for folks who are members of our church, our denomination,” right? So that would apply with allowing same sex couples the right to legally marry in Oregon, it would change no church’s right to say, “This is not within our beliefs, we can’t perform a marriage of a same sex couple.” Nothing in the freedom of religion would change should the change to fully recognize our families. That’s a critical distinction, because there is a clear difference between marriage within the context of a religious ceremony and marriage within the context of the legal rights and responsibilities that our government controls.

Yes, and I recall many times hearing friends, celebrities etc. say, “Oh I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me that our commitment is for real. It’s just a piece of paper.” Now, I understand as do a lot of the public, no it’s not just a piece of paper. There’re tons of rights and privileges that come with it. There are what, 2,200 rights it grants married couples?

Frazzini: I can’t recall, but I think on the state level it’s about 500 and the federal level it’s about 1,200 legal rights and responsibilities that come along with it. It certainly differs a little bit from state to state. It is significant both in terms of the legal protections, but also the respect and dignity that comes with marriage. The truth is that marriage is not for everyone, the issue overall is not necessarily the top issue for everyone in the LGBT community, that’s really clear.

The bottom line is that it is an issue of fundamental fairness; it is an issue in which it is one of the few remaining places in law where there is an explicit law exception where one group of people is treated differently under the law than another. That’s not to say there’re not all sorts of forms of discrimination that continue to persist in our society from racism to classicism and ageism. But this is about it when you look at the letter of the law, we’re saying as a state in our constitution that everybody enjoys the same rights and privileges in the State of Oregon, except for same sex couples and their families, somehow your commitment doesn’t meet the muster, and that’s not right.

Do you think that…I know with Maine one of things that came up was that quite a few bloggers and people were upset by the fact that the National DNC didn’t do more to help that campaign. I know it differs from state to state on how much support you get, but do you think because it’s a Presidential election that we will have a spotlight on us and we will get that support we need?

Frazzini: Right. I think that I am concerned at what I understand was the case in Maine, where the organizers on the ground for the national democratic party were not engaging in that campaign. It’s something that as we look to build the strongest possible coalition for the work here in Oregon that we’ll be working to build relationships and find ways to partner. Whether it’s with the DNC groups or our partners in Oregon progressive movement more broadly. I will say that we do have strong support within Oregon’s democratic party, there’s already strong support at the state and county level. We’re seeing marriage equality resolutions passed by the boards, which is really exciting.

I don’t expect, this has got to be a community effort, there’s not one organization that’s going to take care of this. It’s a community responsibility and that goes for at the organizational level and the individual level. I think we all have a personal responsibility regardless of how we identify to right this wrong. I think we will continue to see this effort build and gain momentum and see more visibility for the broad support that the freedom to marry has in Oregon. I think that’s what’s going to get us to a place where 2012 is a realistic time for a ballot campaign.

That is going to be the way this is going to be won, the one-on-one conversations, winning the hearts and minds.

Frazzini: Yes…Actually we have some incredible tools that we’d love to share with your readers, given your presence online, the ability to link to this stuff is wonderful we have the MarriageMattersOregon.org

id Mag: Yes! We found that…Thank you, we’re certainly sharing those with our readers. Thank you both for taking the time for us!

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. One of my jobs with id Magazine is to talk to and meet many people and most importantly…listen. One story I have heard in the past six months that I just don’t quite understand is this: Men who’ve been married for 15, 20 and 25 years, finally come out of the closet. Not effortlessly, and that’s the sad part.

One story I heard a month ago was of a 20 year marriage. The man came out and then asked his wife to cover for him for a number of years…to continue to live the lie. I can’t imagine what this does on the psyche of a person, let alone both of them. Keeping this hidden from view, and the wife going along with keeping the secret for a number of years astounds me. It also reminds me of enormity of the work we have to do.

The media and society have always questioned the importance of coming out and Gay Pride events. “I don’t want to know what you do in the bedroom, I don’t tell you what I do, and why do you have to prance around and be proud about it?” they say. These types of stories and hardships are what it’s all about. We have to endure a lot of pain, emotional turmoil, and heal a good crop of scars dealt us as children and young adults. Those who ask those questions haven’t heard of the long journey it can take one to be accepting of their sexuality. If they have, they’ve pushed it aside and ignored it.

I’m sure we could could fill volumes upon volumes of warehouses with all of your stories alone. This my friends will be how we as a community can turn the tide on so many fronts, marriage equality being one of them. With Basic Rights Oregon’s Marriage Matter to Me Oregon campaign, I’m hoping that the conversations we have across the state spark the process for some to come out and live a life of peace with themselves. We’re bound to connect with many who are still in the closet. Winning the hearts and minds of our state is the only way we’ll get marriage equality in Oregon, and it will also be the way to assist our state to be a more accepting place for people to live their lives being true to themselves. Yes, it be fabulous to duplicate the movie “Too Wong Foo, Thank You for Everything, Julie Newmar” into reality, but that isn’t likely.

That is one of the reasons we created id Magazine. To put a face on our community and eventually get it into the hands of many around the state, making a connection with people, and give those who are tortured with their sexuality or indifference a ray of hope of being accepted for who they are. There are LGBT people in Bend, Scio, Klamath Falls, Redmond and Medford. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be gay in Scio. However, id Magazine isn’t restricted to LGBT people, we include our allies as much as we can, and we don’t demand that everything has to have a “Gay Angle” in order to be in the magazine. We want to reach everybody, Gay, Straight, Purple, Brown, Green or Orange.

On a grander scale, you can see this same fear from corporations, T.V. shows like American Idol, and Hollywood in general. Adam Lambert is the first (as far as I can recall) singer who has been openly gay from the gate, only to rocket to superstar status. Yet even his handlers made it clear of their fears when saying about the OUT 100 cover, “Oh, well, he can be on the cover, but only if there’s a straight person on the cover too. And it can’t be too gay.” Is there even such a thing with Lambert? Too gay?! WTF? We’re gaining some ground though on this front. When Wendy Williams on The Wendy Williams Show proclaims, “Oh honey! Coming out gay or bisexual isn’t shocking anymore! You have to come harder to really get our attention!” you can get a glimpse of our future. Still, you don’t see Ian McKellen in a romantic lead in a blockbuster. We still wonder who’s gay in Hollywood, but we have some stars who are brave enough to weather what storm they may experience in coming out. Neil Patrick Harris is a prime example. He’s still capable and believable as a womanizer on “How I met Your Mother” and is quite successful.

We’re fortunate to live in Portland, Oregon. We don’t have to worry about being found out, we can pretty much live out and proud. Well, except for those who’s story I mentioned in the beginning. For most of us, we live in a nice accepting bubble of society. Go beyond Portland, Eugene and Astoria and you begin to run into territory where our bubble bursts. Yet even in Portland people are afraid to hold hands down the sidewalk, unless you’re on NW 23rd. We’re not that OK with repercussions yet and even in Portland we have work to do.

Here’s my question for you: Will Gay ever be OK, and if you think so, why? How? What are you doing to make it happen?

Why are we doing this? We want everyone to know about Basic Rights Oregon’s (BRO) campaign Marriage Matters to Me Oregon, and what better way to shine a light on them than throwing a party with valuable prizes? We encourage you to enter and go over to BRO’s site, donate your time or money and create a video!

What are the prizes?

New Daily and Weekly prizes will be added on a daily basis, but for the start, here are the prizes up for grabs:

Premium Portrait Session from mon Amour Photography: a 45-90 minute portrait session and $50 credit towards any print selections. Several of these are up for the drawings.

Identity Crisis! 50 Redesigns That Transformed Stale Identities into Successful Brands – Book, Signed Copy of Jeff Fisher’s second authored book. Brief description: Identity design (logos, letterhead, web sites, etc.) is one of the most popular topics in design books, and Identity Crisis takes a fresh look at this common subject by exploring the process of redesigning existing identities to help businesses refine their images, communicate with customers, and find success.

Readers will get an inside look at the challenges of redesigning identities. They’ll see the creative and strategic thinking behind fresh design work as well as have a powerful tool to show clients what a difference a professional can make to their image.

3 Yoga Classes*from Manifest Men’s Wellness Center

3 – 60 minute professional life transition coaching sessions. $675 Value! Will Wiebe is a Professional Life Transition Strategist, transformational speaker, facilitator, human development and team effectiveness trainer. Whether working with individuals or groups, Will brings wisdom and compassion to the process of coaching. His collaborative and compassionate approach to coaching develops a powerful alliance with individuals and groups.

Life Transition Coaching guides individuals and organizations to effect positive change. Will Wiebe’s coaching is grounded in his intuitive gift of guiding others through a process of self-discovery. Will’s coaching skills assist clients to un-lock their full potential. His coaching process provides a life-expanding environment for life/work balance and change.

Grand Prize 16GB Apple iPad with Wifi+3G

How do I enter to Win?

For our general daily, weekly drawings and grand prize drawings we have several ways to enter:

For Daily/Weekly Prize Drawings

1. Become a fan of id Magazine on Facebook.

2. Twitter a tweet with the hashtag of #MarriageMatters

3. Follow id Magazine on Twitter.

4. Subscribe to our RSS site feed (Click the big orange circle in the farthest right column, next to our Twitter icon.)

Grand Prize Entry – Write or Raffle

Write a brief 300 word piece on why Marriage Matters to you, or a Marriage Equality story and post it here. Your story can be more than 300, but no less. This prize is limited to residents of Oregon. There are no sexuality trait restrictions – straight, gay, lesbian, Bi, Transgender, Queer, In-Transition and everyone else in between are qualified to enter. The piece can be about many things, everyone is affected by marriage equality in one form or another: you may have friends or relatives that have a story about marriage equality or lack thereof.

TOO BUSY? – Buy a raffle ticket!

Rules

All of these entry options are one time entry only, but #2 can enter you into the daily/weekly drawings up to three times a day. Grand Prize entry can be entered once by a story submitted (awarding you 20 points) or up to 20 times with a raffle ticket. All winners must be Oregon residents. For stories submitted, 20 raffle ticket points will be awarded and put into the drawing bin on March 31, 2010. Prizes will be awrded every Monday and Friday (with some surprise dates thrown in for fun!) Sweepstakes is being run by Whiplash Design, some rules and restrictions are subject to change.Contact us here with any questions.

*Because this non-profit is male focused, this prize can only be redeemed by male participants, but anyone can win it. Give it as a gift to you favorite man in your life!

By Bret Wurletzer

In the first chapter of Portland gay community sports history, we explored the beginnings of the first organized sporting program for the men and women of our community.  Tom Giel had begun annual events called Terrific Tournaments.  Creating leagues was becoming a strong option. 

Tom’s objective was to create an event where people just “coming out” could comfortably go and not feel intimidated.  Having experienced a nightmare on his first evening in a gay bar, Tom hoped that he could provide alternative way for people to meet one another, other than in a dark, smoky bar.  That first evening of trusting someone, only to have them become threatening and forceful, left a nasty emotional scar that took years to heal and overcome.

The premise behind the establishment of the league was to create an environment that would allow people to enter a regular, well lit business with the intention of coming for a sporting event, not to cruise.  “You have to remember the time period in which we were creating this,” says Tom. “We had an ultra-conservative Mayor, Frank Ivancie, who had little love for the gay community and was even willing to send his own gay son to Florida to keep him from being a subject for the local press. People were paranoid. In the opening years of the league we didn’t even use last names, just first names and last initials.”

In 1979, Tom ran for the position of Emperor to further his design to offer the community more in the way of sports. Upon winning the position, he formed a committee of other interested individuals who wanted a variety of activities.  Tom began by having his partner, Vaden, put together a one day ski trip to Mt. Hood.  What followed were roller skating excursions, pitch & putt golf, and even a campout on the Oregon Coast.  “You have not lived until you’ve seen the eyes of fellow campers, as members from your campout conducted their very first Swamp Queen pageant, complete with a bouquet of Skunk Cabbage,” said Tom.  “Watching the winner, Bertie Mae Heffer, and contestants parade through the campground in chiffon and high heels was a sight not ever to be forgotten.  It was actually early Priscilla Queen of the Dessert material.”

After a visit to San Francisco, attending the softball leagues in their city, Tom looked into starting Portland Softball leagues.  But with all his other responsibilities and due to the complications of negotiating park space with the hesitant city, Tom decided to concentrate on the bowling league.
 
During the 80’s the league became the place to go on Sundays.  Even the counseling centers, Phoenix Rising and the Center for Sexual Minorities, began recommending the league for those individuals looking for a more casual way to meet new friends – those too frightened to come out in a bar scene.

Having literally gotten the ball rolling, Tom began once a month leagues from January through August. Eight sessions total.  And when the season ended in August there was always a party.  After two years the leagues became so popular that it was switched to every other weekend from January to May.  The first season had ten teams with 50 bowlers.
In the first couple of seasons in ‘80 and ‘81, a banquet was held in the backroom of Dahl & Penne’s Bar at the base of the Morrison Bridge (where Bank of America tower is now located).  But by ’82, Tom acquired a contract with Oaks Amusement Park for an annual picnic in mid-May.  For the first time in our community’s existence, the gay and lesbian community had a amusement park destination where bowlers and their friends could go and enjoy the gay day. It was an amazing time.  We had enough bowlers in those days to warrant renting the entire park. Watching bowlers sniffing amyl nitrate and riding the Oaks Park bumper cars nonstop for hours was a side-splitting, hilarious experience.  The poor ticket-taker just watched in amazement, not knowing what to think.”

By 1985 the league was up to 300 bowlers.  There were so many bowlers that the league had to split into 3 sessions, twice on Sunday and again on Thursday evenings.
Tom began something else that was unique in the bowling environment.  Rather than have a league where only the top three won awards, Tom came up with the ideal of randomly drawing for four to five divisions in order for more bowlers to win awards.  It was Tom’s view that there wasn’t enough reward for gay and lesbian individuals within the community.  Typically, only the top three teams win trophies and special awards.  By the new arrangement, every member of the five member teams within each division, received a trophy.  With 300 bowlers that meant five divisions, or 45 trophies.  You may not be the best in one division, but you might be in the other division.  The random division draws continue to the current day.

Because this was a more casual league that loosely followed the American Bowling Congress rules, some bowlers struck out on their own and began another community league that was to be sanctioned.  Sanctioning meant that their scores and averages would be recognized by the national organization.  The Sunday PCBA continues to remain a social league.   
The difference was that on the Sunday League, bowlers didn’t have to pay an annual sanctioning fee ($16 currently).  If a Sunday bowler wished to bring a friend, a date, or even a family member in to bowl, even for just one event, there was no sanctioning fee as is required in a sanctioned league.  It remains that way even today.

The Sunday community leagues currently have a blend of both men and women of all ages.  They bowl on Sunday’s beginning at 3:30 pm and bowl three games, ending around 6 pm.  After 32 years, the league is still the cheapest entertainment league around at only $10.00 per week.

Most leagues run 30-32 weeks from September to April.  The Sunday league runs two short seasons of 14 weeks each – September to December, and then January to April.  Some bowlers like to camp in the good fall weather and don’t start until Spring, while others like to bowl the Fall and play softball in the spring.  The majority of bowlers bowl in both halves.  The league pays out to its bowlers twice a year as a reward for bowling. 

Instead of trophies that end up in garage sales, the Sunday League hands out actual U.S. Silver Eagle dollars in display cases.  They are dated by the year in which they are won.  When Tom began handing out the silver dollars back in the 90’s, silver was at an all-time low in the $6.00 range.  With the price of silver rising at the same level as gold, currently each silver dollar award costs over $23.   Rather than a box full of trophies, those individuals who have been winning for years, now have a valuable commodity that can only continue to grow in value.

In the mid-80’s Tom discovered that community bowling was not unique to just Portland.  An organization called the International Gay Bowling Organization was uniting gay leagues all over the country.  There were even gay tournaments that bowlers traveled around the country to attend.  Tom decided that Portland needed to be on the map of tournaments.  And thus the Portland Rose Bowl Classic International Tournament was born.  More on this story in our third and final installment of Sports History in Portland.

By Christian Messer Photography by Horace Long unless noted
Hair-Dryer Mafia: Hair by Spank, Outfits by Frock
Artwork by Whiplash Design

Mitch Bridon, opened Spank Hair Studio in 2004 in the bustling Alberta neighborhood. As with a lot of Portlanders, Bridon is a transplant from Michigan and loves Portland relentlessly. I took some time to chat with him recently to get his story and of course to introduce him to you. Full disclosure: I’ve been going to Spank Hair Studio since 2004 and Bridon and I have become friends since then, I was his client and then he in turn was mine, when I built his web site. We threw our history aside so you could get to know him just as I did many years ago.

id Magazine: I know you’re from Michigan – but give me a little bit of your background, where you grew up, when did you move to Portland etc.

Mitch Bridon: I grew up in a suburb right outside of Detroit, called Livomia. I owned a salon there for about five years. I just started out by assisting in a salon and then taking courses in England and Scotland at Vidal Sassoon and Rita Rusk. I sold the business because I wanted to move out of the state, and I moved here 12 years ago. I was here for a year (Portland) before my dad got in his car accident, and was paralyzed so I had to go home and take care of him. So, I lived back there five more years.

Then I came out here, and I was driving through Nebraska and a friend called me and they were eating at a restaurant across from where the salon is now. They told me there was a place for lease across the street and it was going to be my new hair salon. I told them they were crazy because I was already spending all the money I had to move out to Oregon and get established again…I certainly wasn’t going to have enough money to open a business.

When I got to Oregon, we went across the street to look at the building and I walked out in less than five minutes because the building was such a wreck. One of my friends was a contractor, so he took me back in and said, “You know what? Just pretend that this is going to be your business. Have a vision, and go around and tell me what you would want to do with everything.”

So I told him what I wanted to do, and he said, “We can get that done in a month, and we’re signing a lease.” It wound up taking us three months, instead of one month to put it together. My mother doesn’t have the concept of really what it’s like to open a business, so all she would say when she would call was, “Just open the doors and start cutting hair now,” so I could make money. So I said, “Well, you know Mom, I’m kind of a perfectionist and I don’t want it to be a sh*t shack, I want it to be really nice.”

So we did and the neighborhood was very supportive and curious and we did really well just because of the community. Then PABA (Portland Area Business Association) was a big supporter when I belonged to them…

When did you get involved with PABA?

Probably a month or two into the business. Pam Colton was the one who got me into it. I told her the only way I would go to one of those meetings is if I didn’t have to stand up in front of a group of people and talk. She assured me that I wouldn’t have to do that and within ten minutes of being in the meeting I had to stand up in front of about 75 people and introduce myself…and I wanted to kill her!

I can imagine.

But it took me out of my comfort zone, it took me out of the box, because I’m more comfortable doing one-on-one, I don’t like being the center of attention.

We got the business going, I hired stylists. It’s very hard to find people who are dedicated and driven. I think to keep the business going, I took like $7,000 out of my IRA. I myself didn’t take a check for three years. Then I had to take a check, but I just took…I was living on $600 a month is what I allowed myself on payroll.

It’s been six and half years and the business is paid off, so I paid off all the credit cards and loans that I had. And it’s just been fun…It’s the best clientele I’ve had in 23 years.

It’s still a struggle to find people who are good. Most of the people I find are good at what they DO, but there’s not a real strong work ethic. Portland itself is so transient with people moving in and then, not being able to make it or because they miss their family and friends, they often move back to where they came from.

There’s a pretty high turn over. I remember when I interviewed in salons twelve years ago a lot of the higher end salons wouldn’t let me fill out an application because I was out of state. Their experience was that if they invest the time and money usually with someone who is out of state, within a year they’re gone, and it was just a bad investment on their part.

Mitch Bridon with his dog Muppet

Well it does, but I didn’t know realize it until I got into the positions of being a business owner. What really is crazy, back in Michigan, the way a salon works is they are an employee of the salon and they get paid on commission so they get a weekly paycheck. Out here, the majority of the salons like to do a booth rental. Where the stylist is and independent contractor, buys their own supplies, and makes their own hours. I think if you have employees rather than booth renters, you have more control of your business, everybody’s on the same page, and it’s more of a team effort, instead of everybody being out for themselves.

What I get frustrated with is the young kids that come in, that they want a job and want to do booth rental, they either moved here form out of state and don’t have a clientele, or they’re right out of school and don’t have any experience and don’t have clientele; and where are they going to get the $200-250 to pay me for renting the station? So wouldn’t they rather work for someone on commission and get paid for anything that walks through the door, whether they get a $50 paycheck at the end of the week, or a $500 paycheck. They’re making something instead of going deeper and deeper into a hole by paying me $200 a week that they haven’t made.

It’s an interesting career. I loved it, I’ve traveled, I’ve met great people, I’ve met movie stars, worked on T.V.

Tell me more about your education, your schooling, you mentioned going abroad.

Well, what it was, when I went to school 23 years ago, the state paid for it because I was under 21, I think. At that time, tuition was a $1,000. Now the kids are paying $10,000 to $25,000 to get into the industry. Which I think makes it…you’re more serious about it if you’re wiling to pay that amount of money on an education. Whereas, a lot of people, $1,000 was nothing and they wanted to go work at Supercuts and Mastercuts. But, you can make a good career out of it, and you can make good money.

When I got out of school, I went and got a job at a salon and assisted for a year for the owner and then for some of the stylists. I did a lot of in-salon education, but then one year we went to London, to Vidal Sassoon. They are way more advanced over there, like in the fashion area than here…it was really grueling, we’d go to school from 8am to 6pm, and learn all these awesome cuts and we’d go home and show people all these new cuts and the new clothes we bought over in Europe and people would be like, “I’m not wearing that…I’m not getting my hair cut like that.” We’d just tell them within a year, this is what you’ll be wearing and this is going to be the trend.

A couple of years later, I went to Rita Rusk in Scotland. We were her first class in her new school. She was wonderful, we learned really great cuts…it was interesting to see how nervous she was, with us being her first class…somebody that is that established can be nervous and humbled. We learned a lot form her.

I’ve been to the International Beauty Show in London. I try to do a couple shows a year, a couple of classes a year. I just had a color class set up in the salon. I’m looking at going to a trade show in Las Vegas. One of my goals this year is to take some kind of cutting class in California…or maybe another country. I’ve been to Toronto, took a class on doing up-do’s through Mark Parsons and that got me over my fear of doing fancy hair for weddings, New Years things and parties.

I think that in this industry, to be regulated a little bit more, and I know that certain professions like nurses and teachers have to do ongoing education every so often. I think hair stylists in order to keep their license every year should have to attend a couple continuing education classes, because you don’t always know everything.

No – in business and in life, we’re all works in progress.

Right.

When you say color classes, do you host color classes?

We just had a color class for my stylists. We were looking at taking on a new line, which we decided not to do, because we like our line. I’ve used it for 23 years, it’s one of the best.

Speaking of which…what is that line of products?

Schwarzkopf.

Why is it the best?

The color is fool proof if you know what your doing, it doesn’t eat up the hair, it doesn’t coat the hair…their reds are amazing and their gray coverage is amazing. Their semi-permanent hair color covers gray very, very well. They have a great highlight series so you don’t have to always use bleach.

It’s funny, out here, because when I was back in Michigan everybody wanted to be blonde and highlighted so everybody looked the same. Here, I was at the window one day when we were getting the salon ready to open, and I was thinking, “I’ve never turned anybody’s hair blue, I’ve never washed dreadlocks, highlighted someone’s hair pink…how am I going to do this?” Again it was just one of those things where it took me out of the box and took me out of a rut, I just did it. It was fun! It was fun for me, it was fun for the clients and when I tell people back home, they just can’t imagine, because they’re so much more conservative.

I get that about Michigan with your stories…

Yeah…And right now we’re seeing a range of things in color, people are conservative, people are wild, people are wanting Japanese hair straightening but then again, people are starting to get perms again…we didn’t do perms for years. The scene is changing…you know what goes around comes around, but with a twist.

The one thing that’s funny is that when I was first doing hair, each stylist on average would do two to three perms a day. Now we do maybe a perm a month. The thing is, if my stylists don’t like doing perms – I’ll take the perm because they’re turning away a ticket. By not allowing yourself to learn and grow, and do new things, you’re just not going to make money.

Like if I did 10 haircuts in one day and booked $400…would I rather book a ten hour day and earn $400 or do a Japanese hair straightening in four hours and make $360? You want to be good with what you do, but you also want to…how do they say it? Not work harder, work smarter. Give a good quality service without ripping people off, but don’t break your back making a paycheck.

Who is the Japanese hair straightening for?

Anybody that has wave to their hair, curl to their hair or their hair is course and frizzy…it brings it down to perfectly straight so they don’t have to worry about using a flat-iron. Most times it leaves the hair in better condition than before you started.

How long does that last?

It’s permanent…the average growth in hair is about a half an inch in a month. So they’ll want to get a touch up when they have about three or four inches of new growth in their hair. It would be like every six to eight months.

How did you come up with the name Spank?

Oh, you don’t want to know this one…

(Laughing) Yes we do!

It’s not from what people think that’s for sure. Friends wanted me to name it after myself and I didn’t want to do that, and I wasn’t going to name it something super kitchy. So I was just looking around and it was raining and nasty…some people looked like they rolled out of bed and didn’t care what they looked like…and I just thought, “You know, I’m going to Spank the ugly off of Portland.”

At first I didn’t say it because I thought it would offend people…but now it’s on the business cards and stuff.

So that is the way you came up with it! We all wondered.

Yeah…and I love Portland, so nobody get’s the wrong idea! Portland is the funniest place I’ve ever worked and I do love the people. It did take me a while to acclimate, because it is so much different than the Mid-West…but I can’t imagine going back there, to work or to live. It’s the best clientele I’ve ever had.

What’s the biggest difference between Portland and the Mid-West?

It’s a lot more laid back, it’s not keeping up with the Jones’, not everybody competing for bigger and better and more and more…back in Michigan, it was buy a bigger house, get a bigger car…when I went back they were still building Hummer dealerships. Now I think a lot of people have learned their lesson, their houses are going into foreclosure, they can’t afford their car payment. I think people are becoming more simplified…they’re simplifying their lives.

What I appreciate here, of course, is the art scene and the ability to express yourself people don’t bat an eyelash…they don’t judge. People are just more politically aware, more environmentally aware…where as back in Michigan, if I try to recycle anything, they look at me like I’m a crazy. (Laughter.)

And…when I went back for my dad’s funeral, it was so funny…people would tap me on the shoulder and ask me, “How is everything in Denver?” I’m like, “I don’t know…I don’t live in Denver.” When they find out I live in Portland, they thought I lived on top of a mountain or in a corn field with nothing to do…(more laughter)

So I try to tell them how great the individual neighborhoods are, the downtown area, great restaurants, great shopping. I have a friend that just moved here and she works for Guess and she just loves the fashion that is here, and I have to say I do too.

It is pretty amazing…fortunately we already have a fashion issue in the pipeline for id Magazine…it’s incredible how many local fashion designers there are, and what’s going on in the scene right now.

Portland is a great place to come and be inspired.

Right…last questions here…what makes Spank different from other salons in the neighborhood?

The neighborhood is just so diverse, everything from salons to barbershops…to salons that just cater to the African-American community. I don’t usually judge other people’s work, but I think you get an extremely good quality for an amazing price. I think that we’re very personable, we’re not pretentious. We get a ton of referrals…people just don’t feel threatened, we don’t do things to people that they don’t want done. We communicate…communication is the big one. You’ve got to be willing to bend with the wind.

Do you travel back to Michigan twice a year or once a year?

I usually go twice a year, one year I went back several times within one year. I’m getting ready to go in about two weeks…every time I get back into the Portland International Airport, it feels like home. Michigan’s just desperate right now.

How’s the economy there now, has it changed, improved at all?

No…they just sold the Pontiac Super Dome which is was the home of the Detroit Lions. It’s on a 127 acres of land. I think they built it for $500 million, and they just sold it for $80,000…

Ouch!

Yeah…and people are upside down in their homes, I had a cousin who came out here to visit, and he loved it so much he wanted move his family out here. But when he got back to Michigan, he realized he couldn’t get what his house was worth, or what it used to be worth.

Yes, that’s a familiar story. My sister is in Las Vegas, and they’re stuck. They want to move out here but they can’t because they’d have to sell their house and can’t, not in this economy, or their economy anyway.

You know…It seems here has slowed down, I’ve had clients who are losing their jobs and clients who are losing their home, but it’s nowhere near as bad as back in Michigan. Michigan focused so much on the auto industry and wasn’t willing to make the changes that consumers wanted. At one point we were just dependent on lumber here, but there is so much more that moved in…you’ve got Nike, Adidas, we’ve got Intel. You’ve got small businesses, and small business is huge here, the city is really supportive. Like the PDC grant that we got to re-do the front of the salon. They don’t have things like that back in Michigan, and if they do, they don’t promote it. Portland is very protective of it’s people which is really nice.

I read somewhere that some of the stimulas money was going to Michigan auto factories to retro-fit them for green technology.

I haven’t heard anything about that. I just know that if I had tried to opened a business in Michigan, like the way I did here in Portland… It wouldn’t have worked. I would have lost everything.

Spank! Hair Studio is located at 1433 NE Alberta, Portland, Oregon 97211. Walk-ins are welcome, but they do suggest booking an appointment in advance at 503.280.5280 Frock Boutique is located at 1439 NE Alberta St. Portland, OR 97211 503-595-0379

Stress is a normal condition we all experience. Stress can be an outcome of a positive situation (getting ready for a party, first date, visiting a friend) and from a negative experience (job loss, fight with a partner, rejection). Stress is not necessarily a “good” or “bad” thing, what really matters is how we handle stress. Possibly one of the more stressful issues our community has encountered has been the passage of anti-GLBT legislation and ballot measures. Given the national reaction to the passage of Prop 8 in California, it can hardly be surprising that the impact of these measures is significant not only to our civil rights, but to our emotional and mental well being.

There have been some interesting findings in current research about the impact of anti same-sex marriage amendments have had on the psychological wellbeing of GLBT adults and their families. The January 2009 issue of the Journal of Counseling Psychology focused on advances being made in the area of research involving sexual minorities. Three studies in the issue focus specifically on the impact anti-GLBT legislation has on our families and on ourselves. These studies provide empirical evidence of the harmful psychological and emotional effects these measures have on GLBT individuals, their families and supporters. Feelings of being excluded from society and invalidation of their relationships were very common among GLBT individuals. Insecurity; both physical, financial and emotional were also strongly experienced by GLBT adults whose states have passed anti-GLBT legislation. Our families and community supporters reported feelings of worry and concern about the GLBT friends and family members. Furthermore, they felt ashamed and that their values were in sharp contrast with those who supported anti-gay legislation. They also reported feeling equally under attack and experienced rejection by others for being a GLBT family member. Some participants reported strong negative consequences to their mental and physical health and wellbeing.

First it’s important to understand how you experience stress; some of us may withdraw, others become fidgety and restless. What is important is that you have enough insight and self-awareness to know when you are stressed. Frequently, you know this by considering how your thoughts and behaviors are different when you are stressed and when you are not stressed. In order to determine how your thoughts and behaviors differ under stressful and non-stressful situations, you need to identify sources of stress. This involves learning your own stress signals. These signals are unique to you, others may be able to identify external signals of when you are stressed – or when they think you are stressed – but only you can be aware of your internal signals. Do you have a harder time concentrating? Do you feel tension in your jaw, neck, shoulders or elsewhere? Sex drive decreased? More irritable than usual? These are fairly obvious internal triggers. Take time to get to know yourself well enough to be aware of the internal triggers before the stress and your reaction to it becomes unhealthy.

In order to identify triggers, it is important to identify your sources of stress. Try to identify the sources as non-judgmentally as possible. If the loved ones in your life are a source of stress; that does not mean you don’t love them and enjoy their company. It simply means that, from time to time, the positive parts of our lives can be as stressful as the negative ones. Sometimes these sources are situational. Maybe you find something more stressful during a time of day or when you have too many other commitments to attend to.

Finally, recognizing how you currently deal with stress is as important as the other steps previously mentioned. Do you find yourself using unhealthy behaviors such drinking too much, or ‘stress’ eating? Perhaps previously constructive ways of dealing with stress have become unhealthy or just unhelpful. Unhealthy behaviors develop over time and can be difficulty to change. When adopting different, more healthful behaviors in response to stress, don’t let the process of change become a stressful event. The act of positive self-care is the best way of handling and reducing stress.

Seeking and maintaining positive relationships and social support can help mitigate the negative impact of distressing events such as the passing of Proposition 8 in California. Counseling from a professional counselor or psychologist who is aware of the impact these issues have on GLBT individuals and their families have in real terms can also be beneficial.
Effective strategies for dealing with stress and anxiety:

Most mental health and medical professionals agree that getting enough exercise and sleep help people deal with stress and anxiety. Just as you may schedule a date, an appointment with your doctor or therapist, schedule time in your day to get at least 30 – 45 minutes of exercise each day. This could be walking instead of driving taking a bus, using the stairs as opposed to the elevator and even sexual activity (when done safely) can help reduce stress.
As mentioned earlier, having positive relationships with others also helps people cope with stressful moments.

Studies have shown that people who have close friendships with others are both mentally and physically healthier. If you think about this, it’s fairly obvious. If you have someone you know you can turn to, knowing that you’re liked and loved, you usually feel better about yourself and the world around you. Openly communicating with someone that you are feeling stressed out or that you are experiencing anxiety about something builds trust, self-confidence and self-efficacy.

Developing and maintaining a healthy sense of humor is very useful. Not to suggest that you should make light of serious situations, but most situations which garner mild to moderate feelings of stress or anxiety may have a aspect to them that can be dealt with in a humorous fashion.

So, let’s say you have friends, a lover and can sometimes laugh things off but still feel overwhelmed by specific situations that create feelings of stress and anxiety. An effective strategy used in most therapeutic settings is called stress inoculation. Though it is a technique that should be done with a mental health professional for clinically significant symptoms of anxiety and depression. Here I will outline a simpler overview of stress inoculation for those experiencing milder forms of stress and anxiety.

1. Identify a specific situation or event that you frequently experience stress and anxiety. Common examples are talking to an ex, checking e-mail on Monday (or after an extended absence), dealing with difficult co-workers.

2. When you think about and experience the event, take note of your self-talk. Self-talk is the things we say to ourselves about another person, another event or ourselves. Chances are when you are feeling stressed or anxious, you’re probably saying things like: “I can’t do this.” “I hate having to do (fill in the blank)” “Why does this person have to be so annoying?” and probably other things.

3. Think back to similar situations that you handled well. If you can’t think of any, consider – in realistic terms – what you could have done better. Even one small lesson can impact how you handle a previously challenging situation.

4. Create a list of positive words or reminders of how you can face the challenging situation. Such phrases can be “I’ve handled this in the past and did well.” “I will do the best I can for this given situation on this given day.” Come up with positive, realistic and rational self-talk that can over-ride your usual negative or anxiety producing self-talk.

5. Studies have shown that when you visualize yourself in a situation ahead of time your performance improves. Mentally visualize yourself in the situation. Guide yourself through your thoughts, feelings, interactions and how you will anticipate and reduce anxiety producing situations.

6. When you are presented with the stressful event, remind yourself that you are already prepared. Begin by reminding yourself that you have handled similar events well before. Relax knowing that you’ve been through this, not only through previous events, but in your mind as well.

7. Once the event is finished, immediately focus on the things you did well, even if it’s small and to others insignificant. You create your own definition of success. Of course, pay attention to thing you could have done better. The whole thing about life is that we have opportunities to do things better. Don’t obsess on what you did wrong, just learn from the mistakes and acknowledge what you did well.

8. Create small, healthy rewards. Walk around the block. Stare out the window. Do something that is brief and rewarding.

These are some helpful guidelines for handling life’s everyday stressors. I hope you have found them helpful. I’m tempted to end this article with a “this is my first article with id Magazine” but that’s true for all of us writing this first edition. I’d like to close with how I envision this space will be used. I’m not going to be the advice columnist, we have one and Mike will do a fabulous job. My goal is to look at the issues that impact our emotional and physical well being, check out the research and make it applicable to our everyday lives. I look forward to working on the evolution of id Magazine and my portion of it.

David Devine, MS is Mental Health Clinician with the Vancouver Coastal Health Authority in Richmond, British Columbia. A former Portland, OR resident he received his MS in Psychology from the Pacific Graduate School of Psychology and his BA from Reed College.

Byron Beck, left, Juan Martinez

I asked Martinez about the ordeal, the toll it seemed to take, and what was it like as an experience.

Martinez stated, “It was…it was something that I had never done in my life. To be outspoken about my life, you know my personal situation, my relationship. To tell our stories to a wider audience. This whole thing started in 2005, which is when we agreed to sign on as plaintiffs. It made me nervous at first, but Byron and I talked and talked about it over and over again. We both agreed this was an opportunity to stand up for what was right. To take this chance to help make a difference in any way that we could.”

Martinez continued, “Because he and I are committed as a couple and we want to have the rights that come along with marriage equality. We truly believe in that and we won’t settle for anything less. We love each other so much and we want to take care of each other in every way that we can. so that’s why we stuck it out for the four years the lawsuit took it’s course. It just wrapped up the beginning of last year, when we were denied appellate level.”

The last part, of the first quote is often overlooked (by those not involved) by the LGBT community. Martinez and Beck, among others saw it as an opportunity to stand up for what was right. For four long years their lives were engulfed in this case. Though they were lead plaintiffs Martinez and Beck were not alone, the other plaintiffs included: Dan O’Neil, Steven Kenison, Rupert Kinnard, Scott Stapley, Marc Acito, Christina Caravaca, Sandra Naranjo, Michelle Snyder, Heidi Thorstad, Diane Groff, Liz Cahill, Tim Smith, Kebt Kullby, Kelley Burke, Dolores Doyle, Daniel E.H. Bryant and Glenna Shepard.

Beck used his best tool, journalism, to give the Oregonian a wake-up call when they wrote in their editorial that (paraphrasing), the last thing Oregon needs is another battle over same sex marriage (meaning the Martinez vs. Kulongoski case.) Beck was at Willamette Week during this time and replied to them in his Queer Window column:

“A small item about the arguments was buried in the “Around the Region” section. But it was the O’s editorial board warning Basic Rights Oregon it “should be careful what it wishes for” that made me angry. Although the unsigned piece said, “Editorial pages are not in the business of telling judges how to interpret the law,” it went on to say we have no business going against the will of the voter. And if we were to overturn Measure 36, on what they see as a “technicality,” our opponents would mount another “bitter” campaign and defeat us by an even larger margin. In other words, the editorial board believes we should settle for less, rather than alienate fellow Oregonians,” he wrote.

Concluding he stated, “I ask you, did that kind of crap work for civil-rights workers in the South, women who wanted the vote or those radical American Revolutionaries? “Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. And moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue,” said Barry Goldwater, an old fart if there ever was one.

The Oregonian’s board of white, well-to-do (and nearly all married) nay-sayers doesn’t have a clue when it comes to knowing what is good for gays or any other minority. I’m not going to even get into the argument that they’d never dare say this to another minority. I’m just going to clarify the facts. The main arguments in this case, that Measure 36 is so sweeping as to be a “revision” and that it altered more than one part of the state constitution, are not technicalities; they’re based on the fundamental principle that no one’s rights can be taken out of the constitution by the voters. Furthermore, if we win, there will be no more ballot measures like Measure 36. Period. End of discussion. That’s all, folks. I know the editorial board is pushing for civil unions, but Juan and I want to get married. No one should deny us our constitutional right.”

Oddly enough, people in our community don’t know about this battle, nor do they know it took four years, only to get denied by the Supreme Court. These people sacrificed their lives, personal and business, and had to deal with the stress and obstacles that the case bore onto them. Without this case, we would not be where we are today. We would not have known that a court won’t work for us, and BRO’s new strategy may have not been a reality. Now we know, and finally we can be n our way to put this to bed, for good. We owe them a thanks of gratitude, and though many have already done so in the past, we should thank them again regardless.

Thank you for doing the hard work necessary for our community’s battle for marriage equality. We can’t imagine what those four years were like for you all, but we do know it must have taken a toll. Thank you for being courageous and expecting nothing less than marriage equality.

id Magazine: How did you two meet?

Jeff: At a bar! We were introduced by someone we both dated…at the Brig. 20 years ago…in February. Our mutual friend Jim introduced us, he (Ed) was with a friend of his who was dragging him off to a party and I was with some other friends. I turned around to a friend of mine and said, “I just met the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.” My friend said, “Oh yeah, right! What’s his name?” And I couldn’t remember his name. So my friends and I would go searching for him, the guy that introduced us left for Europe, so I couldn’t ask him. Every weekend my friends would call and say, “Would you like to look for the cute boy?” and so we would. We never found him.

So Ed, you had a stalker?

Jeff: See! Yes, he tells people that, “I had a stalker.” Later I learned that he would see us in the bars and then just disappear.

Ah…Mysterious…

Ed: I was dating somebody else.

Jeff: But why would you disappear? One night I went to Don Horn’s very first play by myself. I couldn’t get anyone to go with me to this play. I had never met Don before and I walked in and there was this tall tan guy selling tickets, it was right before the show. I bought my ticket, it was packed, scooted in. The tall tan guy came in with this group of women, came up and said, “You! You, the guy who came here by himself – could you move to the single seat in the front row so these women could sit together?” I was totally mortified that I was any place by myself…

Ed: And everybody knew.

Jeff: And everybody knew…”Oh look at the poor guy who can’t get a date!” During the play, the rotating light that was the fire in the fireplace on stage, came off, rolled off the stage and landed between my legs, spinning around like a hubcap, making that noise…I thought, “This is not my night, I shouldn’t have even left the house.” As soon as the lights came on, I got out and was in the car and thought, “I could go to a bar tonight by myself,” which I would never do. I walked into Boxx’s and there he was…and I thought, “Oh what is his name! It’s one syllable, what is it?” Before I knew it, he was right behind and I turned around and said, “I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name.” He said, “That’s o.k. Jeff, my name’s Ed.”

Ed: Meanwhile, I was delighted I remembered his name…

Jeff: He gave me an invitation to his birthday party that weekend. It had his name, phone number and address! And it was a PITY Invitation! He thought I had seen him handing out invitations to other people. But I didn’t know that. So I get home that night and I wake up all my neighbors to tell them, “I found the cute boy!” and I had an invitation to his birthday party. When I went to the party, the first person I meet is his boyfriend. It’s like, how long do you stay at a party you don’t want to be at? So I thought, I’ll have one beer, I wished him a happy birthday, and I walk into the kitchen to get a beer and Don Horn is standing there. It was like these weird worlds coming together. Just as I left, Ed said, “We should get together and do something sometime.” The boyfriend moved to Hungary. And that was 20 years ago.

We’d been together fourteen years before getting married was an option. We never talked seriously about doing it.

That was my next question – did you discuss what marriage would be like, the benefits etc?

Jeff: Well there would be definite benefits, but I was already recognized as a domestic partner with his law firm. For a firm from conservative Florida, they had really good domestic partner benefits. So that was not an issue. And being married was never really a possibility at that point.

Ed: And I’m not big into formal ceremonies at all. So to do it just for the ceremony sake, I wasn’t interested.

Jeff: But it was odd…we were watching that Gavin Newsom announced that same sex couples could get married in San Francisco…we were watching that on the news on Valentine’s day. I think you said, “If they do that here, I think I’d like to do it.” It was just out of the blue…and I said, “Yeah…me too.”

Then the weirdest thing was when they announced it here in Portland, I started getting these e-mails from friends saying, “It looks like this is going to happen.” I remember getting an e-mail that had been forwarded from Serena Cruz, hinting that it was going to happen. So it happened and I called Ed (laughing…)

And he’s like, “So, you wanna do it?” that was his fancy marriage proposal! “So you wanna do it?”

How in the world did you plan a wedding in four days?

Jeff: He did it! I was gone.

Ed: With the help of a lot of friends.

Jeff: Yeah, we went and got our license the next day in the horrible rain. Everybody was soaked, but it was festive, it was a really festive atmosphere. Ran into lots of friends of ours there, Don Horn and Jeff were there. Just a lot of other couples that we have known that had been together for a long time. So we got our license, he went back to work. I went home to pack to go to Cedar Rapids, Iowa the next day to speak at a conference. He planned everything.

When we ran into Don Horn, we said, “Can we get married in the theater?” because he had “Theater, Theater” at the time. We knew we needed a place were everything would be set up all ready, there’d be chairs, everything just available. And people in line were saying, “If you’re going to do it, you should do it fast, because we don’t know how long this is going to last.” I talked to Don outside the county building, and he said, “How about Sunday afternoon?” So I was gone the next two days.

Ed planned everything…I was getting e-mails saying, “Got the cake…” etc, and all of a sudden it was like, “Oh my God this is really a wedding!” Trying to get a hold of everybody possible. A lot of our friends couldn’t be there because it was so quick, but they understood, if we were going to do it, we needed to do it quick.

I was speaking at the Creative Conference, in Waterloo, Iowa. I told the organizers what was going on and how important this was, and they said, “We’ll get you out of here as soon as you’re done speaking.” They literally had a limo waiting to take me to the airport. But, all the flights were cancelled.

I got to the American Eagle desk and asked the gal there, “Are you serious? All flights are canceled?” She replied, “Yeah…this a huge storm and it has screwed up everything.” I said to her, “I’m getting married this weekend.”

She picked up the phone and she said, “There is one plane that hasn’t left the jet way yet. Start running!” So I’m running down to the gate and I hear over the intercom system, “Jeff Fisher, stop right where you are!” She comes running down to meet me, papers in hand and says, “I’ve got you booked on every flight out of Chicago to Portland!” Three different airlines. I looked at the boarding pass and it wasn’t even mine, it was some woman’s. She told me, “go to the first airline that has a flight out.” I get to Chicago and I go to United’s gate. The guy I go to, is “family” and I say, “I’m getting married this weekend, I need to get on this flight.” he says, “I’ll get you on this flight!”

He calls down to the plane and tells them there’s three more people coming on board and unlocks the jet way. As we’re standing there, the jet way starts to pull away! Someone didn’t get the message. The guy said, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry! I can’t get you on first-class, but I can get you in the seat right behind first-class.”

We get on the plane, and two guys come down the isle and say to each other, “I think we’re on the gay wedding shuttle to Portland!” There were all these gay couples. I got home and the next morning was just insane trying to get everything done. Ed had picked out the rings and said, “If you don’t like them we can pick out something else.” I said, “No, this is perfect.” Everything was perfect. We went down to Twist to get champagne glasses, and they told us they had a very busy week with wedding gifts and wedding stuff.

See…that’s the key right there. Talk to all the businesses and show them with facts how great this is for business. You could register at Target!

Jeff: Yes. That’s been the case wherever they have done it. It’s made a huge economic impact in travel, hotels, bed and breakfast, and…everything.

I think one of the things we’ve always told our friends is that having a wedding defines so much in your life that you’re not prepared to have defined.

Because, sh*t happens, it’s bizarre I have had no contact with my parents since our wedding day. Well, no contact with my dad…I’ve had limited contact with my mother. My parents have been incredibly supportive of our relationship for 14 years. At least…that’s what we thought.

When we had been together for 10 years, they basically hosted a party for us. My mom prepared the food, my dad helped with everything. My brother and his wife have always been very supportive, we thought. It was really strange.

I asked Ed, “So when are my parents getting into town?” because he had contact with everybody, I’d been gone. He says, “It’s really weird, I haven’t heard from them.” I thought, this is strange…I picked up the phone and called my parents, my mom answered the phone. I said, “When are you getting into town?” She said, “We’re not.” I said, “Why aren’t you coming?” She replied, “Well your father won’t let me.” I said, “Put dad on the phone for me.” She said, “No, he doesn’t want to talk to you about it.” “Well, tell him to call me when he is ready to talk about it,” I said. It’s been six years.

Then we didn’t hear from my brother and his wife, I didn’t know what that was about. My sister said she wasn’t going to be able to fly up from San Francisco on such short notice. Then that morning, when we were at the theater, I saw somebody walk in through the front door. I couldn’t see who it was but I then realized it looked like Sue, my sister. She had surprised us! Her boyfriend told her, “You have to go.” So she did.

We had a great ceremony, really a lot of fun. About 60 people. Our friends Tim and Kristin officiated it. Their daughter and another friend’s daughter were the ring bearer princesses, with tiaras that we found at Target. The reception was a potluck reception that was fantastic! Everybody brought amazing food. Pat Di Prima from Di Prima Dolce made the cake, a beautiful wedding cake for us. We just had a great time, it was really, really a great time!

(To Ed) And your parents?

Jeff: His parents were there.

Ed: My dad showed up, I didn’t expect my parents to show up.

Jeff: What happened was the reverse of what we expected to happen. Ed’s grandmother wasn’t there but she talked to him about it. It was difficult for her to deal with. But at least she talked to him about it. She’s always been very supportive of us otherwise. It was just that it was a very personal thing to her, and she didn’t feel she could be there, for her own personal reasons. But it didn’t impact our relationship with her at all.

Then Ed gets a call from my brother’s wife at work, wasn’t it? You got a call from Gina, right? (Ed nods yes) She said “they were sorry they weren’t there, but…” didn’t she also say Jerry wouldn’t let her? (Ed nods yes again.) Jerry’s argument…one of the dumbest things I’ve heard…if gay men could wear wedding rings, it devalued his marriage! Isn’t that bizarre?

Fisher's second book, Identity Crisis!

Jeff: Right…like there’s not single people out there wearing wedding rings…it was the weirdest argument I ever heard, and we’ve not spoken to them ever since. So, you don’t know how people are going to react…we had people show up that we didn’t expect to show. Some of our dearest friends were there, one of them…they go to a really conservative church and I think she was a deaconess of the church at the time and had to ask permission to come to our wedding. But they were there.

You just never know. We’ve told this to other people that are going to have commitment ceremonies or weddings, “Be prepared for anything!” And they say, “Oh no, everything is going to be great!” (laughter) It really does define who will support you no matter what…which is kind of nice. For the people that couldn’t be at the wedding, we had a great big reception a couple of months later up at Joy Creek Nursery. So people had a lot of time to make arrangements to be there.

How did you mentally prepare for the possibility that the marriage could be revoked?

Jeff: We weren’t prepared. It was really upsetting when it was overturned. We knew it was a possibility, but we weren’t prepared.

Ed: We really thought that if anything were to change that our marriage would still remain intact. That they wouldn’t undo what had been done.

Jeff: Like what happened in California.

Ed: It was pretty upsetting. Made me mad…

In a way that’s a good thing. I remember in 2004, the day after 36 passed, one of my neighbors just stayed in bed for 24 to 48 hours…it just devastated him that much.

Jeff: It really was devastating, because you’re given the incredible opportunity to really…I don’t know…make your relationship legal and get to do it in front of the people that are closest to you. Then you have the rug ripped out from under you…it’s really bizarre. When it happens elsewhere, I know what those people are going through.

Ed: It just brings out the “F•@k you” in me…(laughter)

Jeff: Another thing that was nice is that his office at the time threw a reception for us. Which was really wonderful. Again, not everyone at the law firm was thrilled about that.

Ed: Not everyone was supportive. The interesting thing is that one of the people who wasn’t supportive, primarily because the “M” word was used? They were at our house last night for dinner. And their children were flabbergasted that she wasn’t supportive. Which was pretty cool. I think now…her point of view would be different.

Jeff: It’ll be interesting to see what happens if this goes on the ballot again, to see how people’s attitudes have changed.

Yes, and there is a lot of work to be done up to that point.

Jeff: Oh yes…a lot of work to be done. I think people have to get over the religion thing. I think it’s odd in a country that’s supposedly separation of church and state, church and state is what defines marriage now, and it shouldn’t. It really should be like the situation in France. Where all unions are civil unions, the marriage is a separate ceremony that is in a church or wherever you want to have it. Keeping things totally separate.

But are the civil unions, do they cover everything that marriage covers?

Jeff: They do – they do cover everything.

Can you tell me an instance or event in your life together where marriage would have been beneficial, but because you don’t have it, you felt short-changed or discriminated against?

Ed: No, but I’m sort of blind to that now. Unless it’s blatantly obvious, I’m not looking for it. I’ve operated under that…for so many years I operated under that, “Well, I’m not treated the same as straight people,” so I’m oblivious to a lot of it. And I don’t want to focus on the negative pieces, that’s not my nature. I’d much rather look for the positive in whatever the situation is, so…don’t focus on the have not’s and focus on the haves.

Jeff: We’ve also been really lucky. In the whole time we’ve been together, you’ve worked for a really good employer that were either at the forefront of it or they just understand domestic partnerships. The one company he worked for, they were named on the best companies to work for in America for gay and lesbian employees. That really makes a difference.

Ed: I’m in a white-collar profession, so, there’s a lot more acceptance in the white-collar than the blue-collar professions.

Jeff: And I’m a really good corporate wife! (laughter) I’ve been complimented on that several times!

There’s not negatives in that sense, I’ve protected myself from having anything like that happening to me personally, because in 1985 I was fired from a job for being gay. So I think I’m very aware of not getting myself into situations where it’s going to be an issue. I think that’s one of the reasons I’ve been openly gay in my work. If somebody doesn’t want to work with me, they don’t have to. What has happened instead is that people have worked with me because of it. I get e-mails like, “I’ve been looking at your work and my brother sings in the Gay Men’s Chorus…” – you know, it’s an introduction and the ones that would have an issue with it just don’t contact me at all, which is fine.

Civil unions, especially in Oregon are not equal to marriage. A guess is that 1,000 privileges and rights are covered in civil unions, and 2,000 plus are covered with marriage.

Jeff: If anything, we’ve had to go through more legal protection issues to make sure things are covered.

Ed: You mean that and some of the stuff we haven’t done yet? (laughter)

Jeff: Right! Some of the stuff we haven’t done yet. I remember during the major part of the AIDS crisis, hearing nightmare stories of families coming in, when one partner had died, and just taking everything. You want to make sure that doesn’t happen.
There are times we have to explain that we’re a couple, they just don’t get it. People do a double take sometimes, when we’re traveling, they don’t understand…I do kind of get a thrill out of introducing Ed as my husband. Especially if it’s going to tweak someone!

Ed: You know…I still like partner better than husband.

Jeff: Doesn’t matter to me…When are you getting married? (more laughter)

After it becomes legal we’ll talk about it. Let’s see, we’ve already covered the religious aspect of the argument.

Jeff: That really bugs me. I don’t understand that argument of same sex marriage devaluing or threatening anyone else’s marriage. The “Sanctity of Marriage” doesn’t work for me at all, with the people who are making the most noise about that.

Yes, the adulterers, and what have you. It’s interesting in all the research we’ve done for this subject…prison inmates, people on death row can get married.

Jeff: Yes – a felon has all their rights taken away, that can’t vote, they can’t do certain things, but they can still get married. To those wacko women who write them!

Are either of you active in the equal rights fight?

Jeff: I’m really good at opening my mouth and getting myself in trouble. You’re kind of being an openly gay business person (referring to Ed.)

Ed: I’m shy away from really public activity. I’m just not…I’m a back office kind of person. I don’t like to be out in front.

More of a producer than a star! (pointing at Jeff when I say star.) (More laughter)

Jeff: But he did head the diversity committee at his old firm. Which was a very interesting thing to be bringing speakers in on a wide variety of topics; to people that have never been exposed to that before. It’d probably be something good to do at your firm now.

Ed: In time.

Jeff: Well, yeah, but I mean the education process is important. The great thing about the firm that he’s at now, is that I had worked with that firm beginning in 1994 doing their design stuff. He went in to do his interview and he said, “I think you know my partner Jeff Fisher.” I knew the major partners of the firm, so they knew what they were getting into.

I know we’re nowhere near typical, but what is a typical day at your home?

Ed: I get up and I hear from the bedroom, “Bitch! Where’s my coffee?” (Laughter)

Jeff: Is there a typical day?

Ed: Yeah… I get up and make the first cup of coffee…(more laughter) No seriously! I get my first cup of coffee, the T.V. is on, I go upstairs and check my e-mail, and do a little bit of work.

Jeff: he’s getting out of the shower, I’m making the second cup of coffee, I kiss him and say, “Honey, have a great day at work!” You know, that’s what’s so funny. Our life is so normal…

Ed: Except for some choices of words!

Oh, I think that’s more normal than you think!

Jeff: We’re really just a more animated version of the Cleavers. I think that surprises people that our life is so normal. We have gay friends that think it’s weird that we have so many
straight friends.

Delisse Oritz, right, Liz Tuttle, left

id magazine: Let’s start out by giving us a bit about your background, what you do professionally and how you met.

Delisse: I was studying at Washington State University for my doctorate in Environmental Science and Natural Resources – that’s where I was when I met Liz and I was there until last summer when I graduated to fellowship with National Oceanic and Atmosphere Administration. It’s the Marine Policy Fellowship… I wanted to learn about the policy, I had six and seven years learning about the biology and ecology of commercially imported fish, and I wanted to learn more about the policy aspects so I applied for the scholarship and I got it. I start in a week.

During that time, I met Liz and I’ll let her explain what she was doing at Washington State University.

Liz: I’m from Washington State, the Seattle area. I lived on and off in Portland since 1997-98, the Portland-Vancouver area. I lived there for a while. I first went there to work at the climatology lab at Washington State University. I moved back to Seattle
to get my masters in Enviroment and Community. I started working for the parks service and at that point, I would spend my summers working in one park or another, Olympic or Mt. Rainier, and I’d spend my winters in Portland or Vancouver working sometimes for several years in the same climatology lab. Until they ran out of funding, I’d do whatever work I could find in the winter.

During one of the years working at the lab is when I met Delisse. So that kept me coming back to Portland andVancouver.

And she got this fellowship in Washington D.C. and I’m working on getting my degree in nursing from Georgetown.

I would think nursing would be pretty good job security.

Liz:Yes, it is, although it’s a little tricky in the current climate, and it will give me more flexibility with work. Her job is the more questionable one, where she’ll be able to find work. So this gives me the flexibility to find where I can.

Where did you two meet?

Liz:The science department of Washington State University…it’s not a huge university, it’s one floor of one building. I was working in the climatology lab and she was down the hall, in the biology lab doing her internship.We’d pass in the hall for several months before we actually talked to each other (Delisse laughs)

Delisse: She was very shy and I just took it as,“Oh she’s not interested, whatever.” I asked her to a movie and the movie turned into um…everything! And we made it work. For my PHD my fieldwork was in Hawaii, on the big island from like May until August.That was some of the time that Liz spent in the national park, so we’d be separated, and when I’d come back, I’d go visit her wherever she was.Then later, she would come home around September or October. She would come visit me in Hawaii.

Liz: This is our first experiment in living together, living in the same place for an entire year.

Delisse: Very exciting!

When did you decide to get married?

Liz:The Multnomah marriage thing was early on in our relationship, so we weren’t thinking that big. But we did watch the election closely and were very hopeful. It was two and half years ago that we decided, well I proposed and we decided to have a ceremony, regardless of what we could do.We were actually living in Washington on the Washington side so we registered as domestic partners there.

I happened to be working down inYosemite for the summer during that brief period of time when the Prop 8 was voted on and was legal.When Delisse came down to visit, we headed to San Francisco and got married there. It just happened to coincide with the celebration we were planning in Portland that November.

Delisse:Yeah, it was like I was flying over and she said,“Well, do you just want to go to San Francisco?” I said,“O.K.! Is it legal?” – Before all hell broke loose, before November. I did my masters at San Francisco State and some friends, they came over and we went to city hall and had a ceremony. Actually, I should say we got married in San Francisco and had the ceremony in Portland.

I have been asking couples how they mentally prepared for the possibility that Measure 36 would take their marriage away, but you didn’t go through that.

Liz:Well, we still didn’t know what would happen with Prop 8.We’re still hopeful that the court case will come out the right way. Now in D.C. our marriage is recognized. Hopefully everyone, if all goes well, everyone can start getting married in March.

Do you think that marriage equality is a human rights issue rather than a religious issue?

Liz: I do.There are certain aspects of marriage that may be very religious for people, but I think, fundamentally that it is a human right and that what is recognized by the church is something separate from what should be available to everyone.

Delisse: Every human being, it’s a human right.

Liz: If they wanted to give everyone the option to have just civil unions and assign marriage to the church…as long as everybody has the same option I don’t have a problem with it. If marriage was just a church recognized thing, like getting confirmed or something. But if you make it a state right, it’s got to be available for everyone.

Fortunately with Basic Rights Oregon (BRO) we have the campaign already started with MarriageMattersOregon.org, to have as many conversations as possible with everyone around the state. Approaching it as a human rights issue as opposed to a skewed religious issue will be effective. This way, having the vote in 2012, we control the message and issue rather than our opponents having the control.

Liz: Hopefully that approach will work. It would be great for us to have the control and not let it be skewed as it is every time by what people watch, that’s good to hear. It’s just appalls me every time. Like the election we had up in Washington that approved all the rights that the Washington legislature had approved for the expansion of domestic partnership.

Delisse: Everything but marriage.

Liz: It was crazy…there were some crazy things, like commercials on the radio that tried to gay marriage to terrorism. It was like,“Why are we worried about this when there’s more important things to be doing? Why are we voting on this? It’s not important, we should be focused on terrorism.” It was a weak attempt to link things that should not at all be linked.
Have you experienced any difficulties, where you’ve come across something where marriage would have been beneficial, and you didn’t have it? Liz: I don’t think so. Although figuring out how to fill out forms has been crazy. I’m going back to school, filling out my federal aid form, what are we going to do in D.C. now that it’s recognized, am I married or single? It’s more confusing than that any actual harm has come from the lack of marriage. Fortunately neither of us has been in the hospital, so we haven’t experienced visiting rights.The taxation issue isn’t a factor yet.

Delisse:The biggest benefit is more our ceremony than our legal marriage.You know, just having the support of our families and for that recognition. Couples can be around for a very long time. I felt that with the ceremony and the marriage in California, even though it’s only recognized in certain states it was beneficial.

The emotional side that has been…

Liz: Bringing the families totally on board, and friends…I think people walked away from coming to our wedding with a totally new way of looking at marriage. Her family, the people who weren’t as open to the relationship, it really opened their minds instantly. Even though it wasn’t a legal thing…so it’s not really the legal side…the process made everything seem more legitimate.

That’s wonderful!

Liz:And it was a great excuse, we just wanted to have a party! (laughter)

Are either of you active in the political side of LGBT community?

Liz: Not yet here…my brother, he lives here and has some connections, so we hope to become more active. Especially healthcare…

Delisse: We’re members of the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) so we definitely plan to get more involved, especially here in D.C. I mean this is the place.That was one of the things that made me very excited about it. Out of all the options that we had because I was applying for several jobs and looking at the good schools, coming to D.C. was one of the many options. One of things I looked at other than track record is their international community and they care about the issues we’re passionate about.

Our last question is: Take me through a day at your house, I don’t want to say typical because we’re not typical! (laughter)

Delisse:Typical day…that’s the thing! We don’t have a typical day.

Liz:Yeah we’re just all over the place…

Delisse: Some days it would be waking up in Hawaii, giving her a call to see how she’s doing, and then waiting like four days until she got out of the back country to talk to her…Um.

Liz:We could do a day, like right now.

Delisse: O.K. a typical week this week…let’s see…She’s in school so she’s in Georgetown, we get up early, I’ll help her pack her lunch. She just got shoulder surgery so she has one arm, so I make her lunch and make sure she’s not using her right arm…and we say goodbye. She’ll spend the rest of the day in classes until about five, and I’ll spend the rest of the day running errands and trying to make our home here in D.C. Depending on the day of the week, sometimes we’ll meet for dinner. Or we’re taking a French class once a week, so we’ll have dinner and go to our French class.Then come home and make some yummy dinner…if we haven’t already eaten.Then watch a little T.V. and go to bed.

Liz:That will all change next week…

Delisse:And it’ll all change next week because I start my job. I’ll be going to work and she’ll be going to school.

Liz:Then that’ll be pretty standard for a while.

Delisse, what are you doing at your new job?

Delisse: It’s called the NAUSS fellowship. It’s through the National Sea Grant Office. It’s an opportunity for graduates to learn more about marine biology.You get assigned to work for an office with NOA, and I’ll be working specifically with the National Marine Fishery Service, Office of Sustainable Fisheries. Specifically learning how to manage highly migratory species, which are tuna, shark, swordfish and blowfish in the Atlantic.

I bet that’ll be exciting work!

Delisse:Yeah it’s super…it’s very different from what I had been doing, so I’m very excited.They don’t exactly have a task, you get assigned for the first few weeks, and that’s as far as I know on what I’ll be doing for the next year.

Well, thank you both! Appreciate we you taking the time.

Liz:Thank you for doing this, hopefully people will read the stories and shed light on it

id Magagazine: Tell me a little bit of background about both of you, what’s your profession, how did you meet…

Rich: I work for Jazzercise in sales, and I own two stores here, one in Portland and one in Gresham.

Really? Are you the one with the commercial on T.V.?

Rich: Yep – That campaign ended yesterday unfortunately.That keeps me very busy, and I work out of my house mostly unless I’m at one of my centers. Kevin’s a veterinarian.

Kevin: Right…I’m a small animal veterinarian in Tigard. I commute.

Small animals as in?

Kevin: Dogs and cats mostly, sometimes rabbits and ferrets – 99% dogs and cats. It’s a small practice; there are three full time doctors, two part time doctors.
And we met on the Internet, actually.

Really?

Rick: Match.com (they both laugh)

Now I get confused with those services, because…I think it was E-Harmony was anti-gay?

Rick:They were.When we were using those services, E-Harmony would not accept same-sex categories. So we had to go on Match.com.You fill out your profile, it’s like writing a personals ad for your self, you put a few pictures up…it’s like shopping online for men! (laughs) It’s great, you save time; you kind of look at people, send a message and see if they have any interest.

I imagine that takes away the stereotypical-stigma that sites like Gay.com has. Like Gay.com is known for being the place to go if you want to hook-up for sex.

Rich:Yes, most of the gay exclusive ones are about sex, I’ve heard, but I haven’t personally experienced them. But yeah…Match.com is the place to go when you want to meet someone or you want to meet friends, stuff like that. It worked really well for us. A few of my friends were on it at the same time and we know two other couples that have gotten married from it.

Kevin: Straight couples. Rich: He almost didn’t call me back though…(laughter)

Oh really? Tell me about that!

Kevin:What was it? You winked at me, or whatever?

Rich:Yeah, I was the one that made the first contact.

Kevin: And I didn’t respond.

Rich: But then he e-mailed back…and we e-mailed a couple of times. It was down to like,“O.K. – I’m going to e-mail this guy one more time, this is his last chance; he’s obviously not interested.” (laughter)Then he e-mailed me back and we went out on a date. He was number three that week, I had three dates that week. He was number three…he was Thursday. (laughter) I was determined!

(Laughing) Something to tell the grandkids about!

Rich:We went out on aThursday night to Crush. And we just had drinks and it has a fun atmosphere, close to his house. In the back of my car, for my business, we do a fundraiser every year for an animal shelter and it was Christmas time. So people bring cash donations, food for pets.We get a list of all the supplies they need and I collect all that and take it out to the shelter.

My car was filled in the back, I have an SUV, the seats were folded down, and it was filled with dog supplies, cat supplies. When Kevin gets in the car, we didn’t even know what each other did, because the categories were like, mine was “Professional Sales” and his was like,“Medical, Dental.” So he says, “Well I’m a Vet,” and I kind of laughed it off, because I had explained why that stuff was in my car. So when he said that, I’m like, ”Oh yeah right! Ha-Ha-ha!” I didn’t believe him.

That was three years ago?

Kevin:Three years ago in December.

When did you get married?

Rich:August of 2009.

Do you think that marriage equality is a human rights issue or more so a religious issue?

Rich: It is for me.

Kevin: It is for me too.

Why does marriage matter to you?

Rich: I think the equality issue matters to me, just having the same rights…because I have been discriminated against because of my sexual preference. On jobs, advancement, career positions…like not getting positions, things like that. I think this brings us another step closer to having equal rights. I’m not a really religious person in the traditional sense.We have our own beliefs and our own feelings and what we follow. My church told me to go to hell, so why bother?

Kevin: Yes, my church did too.

Rich:We really don’t do it for religious reasons; it’s more for financial reasons, the equality reasons.

Kevin: Being able to visit each other or make decisions if one of us was to get sick.And not have to be worried that they can deny us visitation just because we’re not married and living in the same house.Those things…neither of our families lives close, mine live closer than his does, but if something were to happen…do you want to have to wait for one of them to make a decision on that. Do they know what the right decision is?

Both of your families are supportive?

Rich:Yes. It took them a while to come around and understand it. Maybe they still don’t understand it, but they’re supportive. Because now they can put a face with who I’m living with and who I’m seeing and he’s in my life. Before, my family lives in Ohio so they really can’t come out and visit; so they didn’t really know who was in my life – they’d hear me talk about certain people. But know they know Kevin and they love Kevin, he’s normal, he’s not some weird freak. (Kevin laughs)

It’s easier for them to accept it, although I don’t know if they still quite understand it. My mother’s 85, she thinks denial is the best way to deal with everything. My dad passed away about 15 years ago, so I didn’t have to deal with it with him.

Kevin: My family’s very religious, my parents are, not my siblings so much. I think it was, like Rich said, initially they didn’t like what I was. But when they put a face to it and saw what we meant to each other, I think that changes a lot of perceptions.

Rich: I was the first person he had taken home.

Kevin:Yeah, they’d never met anybody that I’ve ever dated. I lived and grew up in a small town, not to say anything about small towns, but it was 3,000 people. So you know everybody in the town.There was that whole…I think they were embarrassed.

Rich: Everybody’s business…

Kevin:Yes…what are the neighbors going to think, what are the people at church going to think. I think that they just realized that it doesn’t matter what other people think. I think they’ve grown in that sense, is that they don’t care…maybe they do, but we go to church when we go home. I don’t know if my mom and dad introduced us as husbands, but they don’t ask us to keep it quite.

For the wedding…I read that it was important for you to have the environmental aspect to it?

Rich: Yes. I have an electric car and then I have another car that is a hybrid. It didn’t really become that important to me until I moved out West. Because the Mid-West, and Ohio? It’s not where you go to see nature. I’ve lived in California and in Oregon, so I’ve really realized how beautiful everything is and that we should protect it.That part was important to us, to give back to the environment.We’re established, we make good money; we didn’t need any gifts.We asked people to donate to causes for animals or the environment, in our names. It was good to give back in that way.

Kevin: And I love the outdoors, I grew up on a 1,000 acres on a cattle ranch.The closest house was four miles away. I’ve spent most of my life outdoors.And we see the encroachment of people moving in and taking over farms, and now they’re small ranchettes. When you see it taken away, it hits home. So we wanted to do something like that.

Rich: We got the idea about the trees from his sister; she was married the year before.That was the party favor, in the middle of the table.We bought all these trees that people could go home and plant.

That’s great!

Rich: Yeah. His dad dabbles in Christmas tree farming so we had all the resources to get us all the trees we needed.

Did you plan the wedding yourselves or did you have help?

Rich: We did with Rosemary’s help. (Rosemary Ragusa) She was our photographer and she wanted to dabble in wedding planning, so she gave us a lot of suggestions and helped us out with bands, food and all that.

Kevin really loves Timberline Lodge, so that’s why we had it there. I would have preferred to go to Sun River or someplace…the Sun River Lodge is really nice. But it is just so remote, so for logistical purposes, we had a lot of people coming in from out of state.

Kevin: Most of our guests, over half of them coming in…

Rich:About 60%came from out of state.

Kevin:Trying to get them all into Sun River…

Rich: A lot of them don’t do small planes; they would have had to drive five hours, which just didn’t work.

We had the wedding on a Sunday, so they had to take the next day off of work, which was strictly financial because it was half price. Friday and Saturday night is double and the wedding ended up costing $20,000… so, double that for just a Saturday night? I told Kevin,“Let’s just have it on Sunday and anyone that wants to be there can be there.”
It really turned into this BIG wedding. I just wanted to have a party; you know and just have us. Like the ceremony, it was very short and tasteful; we didn’t drag it out for very long. It was fun.

Kevin:We didn’t have groomsmen.

Rich: It was just him and me, we both walked our mothers down, sat them down and we went up to the front…and it was amazingly emotional, much more emotional than I thought it would be.We could barely stop…we had to think of each other doing stupid things so we wouldn’t cry all the time… We had my friend Jan, I asked her to write a little speech about the path that we have taken as gay people, and obtaining equal rights and about marriages. So she started with all the ways you can define marriage, what it used to be about years and years ago.What it was like in the 50’s. It was kind of a way to educate our families.

That, you know, everybody doesn’t have this right.We don’t right now, we’re not really married, because we can’t. But, we’re doing this.That was our way to try and educate them about the situation.

That’s wonderful! Fortunately, there will be conversations like that across the state. Basic rights Oregon (BRO) launched a website MarriageMattersOregon.com where people can upload video snapshots of why marriage matters to our community and beyond. What will really win the hearts and minds of voters outside of Portland is one-on-one conversations with people in every county.

Kevin: Unfortunately, it’s the people on the eastern side of the state that you have to change their minds. Portland, Salem, I think the majority of people are o.k. with it.The Eastern side of the state where the farmers are at, they only see things on T.V. I’m sure they know people, but they can’t put a face to it. It’s like my family,‘We know it’s out there, and it must be something dirty’ – as soon as you put a face to it, you can’t deny us, and you can’t say there’s anything wrong with us.

Exactly. Take me through a day at your house.

Kevin: I’m up first; at 5:30am because I ride the bus, catch the bus at 6:30am. I have a Kindle, so I just read, it’s an hour commute. Most days when I’m up, he’s still asleep.

Rich: My commute is…I walk downstairs, get some coffee, go back upstairs and go to my office.Answer e-mails, do some office work, about 10am I take a shower and then keep working in my office. On the days that I teach, when I go to my centers, like today was one of them. I taught at 8:15 am at the Gresham center.Then I’ll come back and work in the office in the afternoon.Then I’ll go teach again at 4:45 pm in Portland, it keeps my hand in the business.

Which is a great business strategy.

Rich:Yes, I’ve been doing this a long time, so I’m a big draw, so it brings the people in.That’s why we couldn’t meet with you yesterday. yesterday was our big one day sale, so I was at the center most of the day, selling special membership packages on that one day.We did pretty well.

That was the whole television campaign leading up to that.

To be honest, when I saw that commercial I thought, “Huh…Jazzercise still around?”

Rich: (Laughs) Yeah – that’s what a lot of people think!

Yet, it’s very different form the Jane Fonda, leg- warmer days, right?

Rich:Yes, and that’s where we got most of our press, back in the 80’s. It’s still around and the company is doing better now than it did back then.We’re always trying to update that image, because as you know, anything that’s been around that long wouldn’t
be around if it were the same.You always have to update your product or your image. If we still wore the leg warmers, we wouldn’t be very credible in this world. (laughter)

Although I saw Richard Simmons the other day… don’t know how he does it, but he’s still wearing those short-shorts and tank-top!

Rich:What was he hawking these days?

I don’t know, but he was on the Wendy Williams Show and she couldn’t keep control of him. I didn’t see a product, although they did talk about his studio. On Bonnie Hunt there wasn’t a product either. A couple of her staff members went to his studio and were surprised how worn out they were afterwards.

Rich: We did an event in Fairbanks,Alaska where he was the headliner. Jazzersize was there as well, we taught a class, but we warmed everybody up for him, you know? So I didn’t get to meet him because I didn’t get to go to that event.They said he was a hoot and very good, very entertaining.

You know as funny as he is, he does a lot of good for people, because he really cares about those people. He gets in that emotional side…and being overweight is a very emotional thing for so many people, especially women. So, he does a lot of good, even though people make fun of him. I just wish I could get him a new image consultant.

Well yeah, everybody sees the caricature.They don’t see… although I remember when he was doing those infomercials, and he got to that emotional, serious part.

Rich:Yes, yes he did.

Kevin: Also, as far as our day, we have two dogs and two cats, so they spend the day with him.They’re little.Three of them are rescues.We rescued two, and one he got from one of his students – one of the cats, and we went and bought one together.

I usually get home about 7:30pm, and we have dinner, spend some time with the animals.

Rich: (Shows me a photo of two of the dogs and one cat in little animal bed, all together) They all have to be with me all the time, so that’s them on the desk.

Awww…

Rich:This one is Kevin on his birthday (we laugh) I can send more of those if you like.

Thank you both for taking the time to tell your story. I think our readers will find some common threads running through yours and their lives.

Rich:Thank you for thinking of us!