By David Devine
Artwork by Whiplash Design

Stress is a normal condition we all experience. Stress can be an outcome of a positive situation (getting ready for a party, first date, visiting a friend) and from a negative experience (job loss, fight with a partner, rejection). Stress is not necessarily a “good” or “bad” thing, what really matters is how we handle stress. Possibly one of the more stressful issues our community has encountered has been the passage of anti-GLBT legislation and ballot measures. Given the national reaction to the passage of Prop 8 in California, it can hardly be surprising that the impact of these measures is significant not only to our civil rights, but to our emotional and mental well being.

There have been some interesting findings in current research about the impact of anti same-sex marriage amendments have had on the psychological wellbeing of GLBT adults and their families. The January 2009 issue of the Journal of Counseling Psychology focused on advances being made in the area of research involving sexual minorities. Three studies in the issue focus specifically on the impact anti-GLBT legislation has on our families and on ourselves. These studies provide empirical evidence of the harmful psychological and emotional effects these measures have on GLBT individuals, their families and supporters. Feelings of being excluded from society and invalidation of their relationships were very common among GLBT individuals. Insecurity; both physical, financial and emotional were also strongly experienced by GLBT adults whose states have passed anti-GLBT legislation. Our families and community supporters reported feelings of worry and concern about the GLBT friends and family members. Furthermore, they felt ashamed and that their values were in sharp contrast with those who supported anti-gay legislation. They also reported feeling equally under attack and experienced rejection by others for being a GLBT family member. Some participants reported strong negative consequences to their mental and physical health and wellbeing.

First it’s important to understand how you experience stress; some of us may withdraw, others become fidgety and restless. What is important is that you have enough insight and self-awareness to know when you are stressed. Frequently, you know this by considering how your thoughts and behaviors are different when you are stressed and when you are not stressed. In order to determine how your thoughts and behaviors differ under stressful and non-stressful situations, you need to identify sources of stress. This involves learning your own stress signals. These signals are unique to you, others may be able to identify external signals of when you are stressed – or when they think you are stressed – but only you can be aware of your internal signals. Do you have a harder time concentrating? Do you feel tension in your jaw, neck, shoulders or elsewhere? Sex drive decreased? More irritable than usual? These are fairly obvious internal triggers. Take time to get to know yourself well enough to be aware of the internal triggers before the stress and your reaction to it becomes unhealthy.

In order to identify triggers, it is important to identify your sources of stress. Try to identify the sources as non-judgmentally as possible. If the loved ones in your life are a source of stress; that does not mean you don’t love them and enjoy their company. It simply means that, from time to time, the positive parts of our lives can be as stressful as the negative ones. Sometimes these sources are situational. Maybe you find something more stressful during a time of day or when you have too many other commitments to attend to.

Finally, recognizing how you currently deal with stress is as important as the other steps previously mentioned. Do you find yourself using unhealthy behaviors such drinking too much, or ‘stress’ eating? Perhaps previously constructive ways of dealing with stress have become unhealthy or just unhelpful. Unhealthy behaviors develop over time and can be difficulty to change. When adopting different, more healthful behaviors in response to stress, don’t let the process of change become a stressful event. The act of positive self-care is the best way of handling and reducing stress.

Seeking and maintaining positive relationships and social support can help mitigate the negative impact of distressing events such as the passing of Proposition 8 in California. Counseling from a professional counselor or psychologist who is aware of the impact these issues have on GLBT individuals and their families have in real terms can also be beneficial.
Effective strategies for dealing with stress and anxiety:

Most mental health and medical professionals agree that getting enough exercise and sleep help people deal with stress and anxiety. Just as you may schedule a date, an appointment with your doctor or therapist, schedule time in your day to get at least 30 – 45 minutes of exercise each day. This could be walking instead of driving taking a bus, using the stairs as opposed to the elevator and even sexual activity (when done safely) can help reduce stress.
As mentioned earlier, having positive relationships with others also helps people cope with stressful moments.

Studies have shown that people who have close friendships with others are both mentally and physically healthier. If you think about this, it’s fairly obvious. If you have someone you know you can turn to, knowing that you’re liked and loved, you usually feel better about yourself and the world around you. Openly communicating with someone that you are feeling stressed out or that you are experiencing anxiety about something builds trust, self-confidence and self-efficacy.

Developing and maintaining a healthy sense of humor is very useful. Not to suggest that you should make light of serious situations, but most situations which garner mild to moderate feelings of stress or anxiety may have a aspect to them that can be dealt with in a humorous fashion.

So, let’s say you have friends, a lover and can sometimes laugh things off but still feel overwhelmed by specific situations that create feelings of stress and anxiety. An effective strategy used in most therapeutic settings is called stress inoculation. Though it is a technique that should be done with a mental health professional for clinically significant symptoms of anxiety and depression. Here I will outline a simpler overview of stress inoculation for those experiencing milder forms of stress and anxiety.

1. Identify a specific situation or event that you frequently experience stress and anxiety. Common examples are talking to an ex, checking e-mail on Monday (or after an extended absence), dealing with difficult co-workers.

2. When you think about and experience the event, take note of your self-talk. Self-talk is the things we say to ourselves about another person, another event or ourselves. Chances are when you are feeling stressed or anxious, you’re probably saying things like: “I can’t do this.” “I hate having to do (fill in the blank)” “Why does this person have to be so annoying?” and probably other things.

3. Think back to similar situations that you handled well. If you can’t think of any, consider – in realistic terms – what you could have done better. Even one small lesson can impact how you handle a previously challenging situation.

4. Create a list of positive words or reminders of how you can face the challenging situation. Such phrases can be “I’ve handled this in the past and did well.” “I will do the best I can for this given situation on this given day.” Come up with positive, realistic and rational self-talk that can over-ride your usual negative or anxiety producing self-talk.

5. Studies have shown that when you visualize yourself in a situation ahead of time your performance improves. Mentally visualize yourself in the situation. Guide yourself through your thoughts, feelings, interactions and how you will anticipate and reduce anxiety producing situations.

6. When you are presented with the stressful event, remind yourself that you are already prepared. Begin by reminding yourself that you have handled similar events well before. Relax knowing that you’ve been through this, not only through previous events, but in your mind as well.

7. Once the event is finished, immediately focus on the things you did well, even if it’s small and to others insignificant. You create your own definition of success. Of course, pay attention to thing you could have done better. The whole thing about life is that we have opportunities to do things better. Don’t obsess on what you did wrong, just learn from the mistakes and acknowledge what you did well.

8. Create small, healthy rewards. Walk around the block. Stare out the window. Do something that is brief and rewarding.

These are some helpful guidelines for handling life’s everyday stressors. I hope you have found them helpful. I’m tempted to end this article with a “this is my first article with id Magazine” but that’s true for all of us writing this first edition. I’d like to close with how I envision this space will be used. I’m not going to be the advice columnist, we have one and Mike will do a fabulous job. My goal is to look at the issues that impact our emotional and physical well being, check out the research and make it applicable to our everyday lives. I look forward to working on the evolution of id Magazine and my portion of it.

David Devine, MS is Mental Health Clinician with the Vancouver Coastal Health Authority in Richmond, British Columbia. A former Portland, OR resident he received his MS in Psychology from the Pacific Graduate School of Psychology and his BA from Reed College.